Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
