somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
