Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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