She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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