am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
