fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
