he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
