i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize