apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
