just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
did you just send me my own nude
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
