Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
