does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
