dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
