Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
