my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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