I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
