I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
