His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
