Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
