The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
