I just threw up on my dentist
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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