What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
