Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize