I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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