3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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