And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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