Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
