She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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