Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
