i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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