i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
