I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
