Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
