If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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