It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
