Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
