she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
