In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
