I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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