My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I want a musical about memes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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