I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
