I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Text me some of your sweat
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