Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
