You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was CRYING into my vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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