I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
