and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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