I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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