so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
