Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
