you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
