so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
