DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
