She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it penis luge time yet?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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