i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
