Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
