apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
