ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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