Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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