Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
