Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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