Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
