Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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