Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
