My Higher Power is John Stamos
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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