Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
