you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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