If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
