I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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